I am a writer. I have been since before I could even write. I scribbled this nonsense story in crayon and showed every adult within a 20 mile radius. They all acted as though they were impressed, even after I needled them to read it (out loud, at that!) and it seemed that was all I needed. The deal was done.
I wrote my first work of fiction when I was ten years old. It was something pitiful about some guy named Mac and his bitch of a wife named Brenda. Very stupid, soap opera rip off sort of stuff...and I continued this story (and its varied cast of characters) until the next summer, when I decided to go in another direction and created yet another stupid, soap opera rip off story, entitled Montana Skies.
Oh, Montana Skies...it was epic. I don't think there are even words in which to describe how bad it really was. I had guys coming back from the dead (like three or four times!), I had interrupted weddings, I had explosions and amnesia and...oh, it was horrible. It was tripe. It was an abomination. And I wrote it for almost three years.
When you're a teenager, that seems like forever. It was the longest I'd worked on anything, but one day, I just got bored with it. I decided to write a short side project (the original Independence Day incarnation), then went back to it, only to be bored again within months. That's when Behind Closed Doors came into play...and that's when my entire life changed.
I'd never felt more passionate about anything else in my life. That story was everything to me. I lived and breathed it. I thought about it all the time. I began and ended my day fixated on it. Soon, the idea of Montana Skies was revolting to me. I came to realize what garbage I'd been writing and focused myself full time on my new endeavor - and really, looking back on it, I had no regrets about doing so. It was time. Past time, I think. I was older (fifteen!) and wiser and it was just time to move on.
Behind Closed Doors was my everything for eight years (1998-2006) until the unthinkable happened: I no longer had the heart for it that I once did. It was initially a very heart-wrenching decision, but once I stopped fighting against it, I realized that I could live without these characters. I could live without this story. I could even live without writing.
I had a talk with a friend last night, and she told me she was no longer writing. Not just taking a break on it...no longer writing at all. I'm not sure what to even say about this. I've been there, and I know from experience that a true writer always comes back to it. However, she seems very definite, and she also seems at peace with her decision, so there's not much I can really say. It makes me sad, though...because now that I've come back to writing, I realize how much I missed it.
What do writers do when they don't write? Is it possible to find other things to fill that void? I strongly believe that writing is not something that you choose - it's something that chooses you. As I've said, she seems completely at peace with her decision, but it has me thinking...what does a writer do if not write?
Thoughts?
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I have no idea. 0_o
ReplyDeleteA writer writes. A person who doesn't write isn't a writer. Fairly simple.
ReplyDeleteNo, I beg to differ. I don't think it is that simple, because to me, it's not a switch you can just turn on and off. It's a switch you can leave idle, sometimes even for years (my record was three), but not something you can just turn off. A creative mind remains a creative mind, regardless of whether or not they choose to utilize that gift. A person with a musical ability does not cease to be a singer just because they do not choose to sing - it is always there, and it will always remain, whether or not it's tapped into.
ReplyDeletePeople with a gift for writing...yeah, they can choose not to, but the point I am attempting to make is that the creative mind will always be a creative mind. Talent does not change. Passion comes and goes, but I found that in my hiatus from really "writing" as such, I still found creative avenues to pursue. None of them are really worth mentioning, and none really amounted to anything, but they were still something creative.
My point is, a writer is not a label...it's something deeper. It comes from within, and regardless of whether or not a person chooses to write, the talent and gift that was always there doesn't just go away.
My question was, what does a person that chooses not to write fill that time with? What do they fill that void with? Do they do what I did and come up with other stupid shit that they probably shouldn't have? Do they take up another hobby, like cross stitch or something? I cannot imagine creativity just...dying. I would think that it would be manifested into something else. I would hope so, at least.
This is where we disagree. I understand what you're saying and asking, but I don't see it as a void. I don't see not writing as something to fill. It's a decision not to write any longer. It's not the end of the world. It's a person saying "I no longer want this in my life," and moving forward.
ReplyDeleteA very few people are born with talent and a gift for writing. Others work their tail feathers off to become talented writers.
I don't see it as a creative mind or that the talent will remain dormant. I don't see it as something that must be tapped into or put into something else.
It's writing. It's a person deciding not to write and happy with that decision. It's a person realizing there is more to them than writing.
Bex, my lovely, I think it's best we agree to disagree. ;)
Yes, it's clear we come at this from two different angles. Of course, there's more to you than writing, and it was hardly my intention to imply anything to the contrary. I am approaching this as I would see it and again, we obviously do not see this the same way.
ReplyDelete>A very few people are born with talent and a gift for writing. Others work their tail feathers off to become talented writers.<
I don't see it that way, either. I was once told by someone much smarter than me that the mechanics of writing (grammar and syntax and all that other annoying shit) can be taught. Proper formatting and all of that other wonderful stuff. However, the gift of world building and creating is not something that is bottled or learned. I agree. Maybe many work their tail feathers off to become successful writers, but those with the ability to create rich, expansive worlds, interesting characters and still put it all in a neat, grammatically correct little package probably didn't come by that in a creative writing course.
For the record, I happen to find you as one of those people.
But yeah...agreeing to disagree is probably the best bet.
<3
Wish I could contribute, but I am not a writer. I sometimes wish I were, but I don't think I am ;)
ReplyDeleteWell, being one of those writers-who-doesn't-write, maybe I can contribute too.
ReplyDelete>>My question was, what does a person that chooses not to write fill that time with? What do they fill that void with? Do they do what I did and come up with other stupid shit that they probably shouldn't have? Do they take up another hobby, like cross stitch or something? I cannot imagine creativity just...dying. I would think that it would be manifested into something else. I would hope so, at least.<<
Unlike Danielle, who I gather is the object of your initial post, mine wasn't a conscious choice to stop writing. I used to write every opportunity I had -- it was my go-to occupation (or, at times, pre-occupation) whenever I had a spare moment.
Actually, to be honest, writing was something I turned to because I wasn't singing. It became my substitute for performing.
The main reason I don't write is the same reason I stopped singing: depression, which results in my mind feeling like it's coated in lard. Or to use another simile, like a car that's been flooded. I can try to turn the key so my engine will start, but somehow the electricity refuses to catch on. I have impulses on which I can't act. This involves all aspects of my life, so I'm not really substituting anything for writing; I fall into a numb torpor that I can't shake.
Of course, I'm in a weird position in that I'm never too far removed from the writing process. Part of my job entails book editing and helping writers shape their novels, so this forces me to use my brain in creative, writerly ways even when I'm not doing the actual writing myself.
But my story always calls to me even when I'm not writing. I reread old stuff, I think about the plots and characters... anything to try and kickstart the process. Eventually something works.
I'm sure some writers don't consider me a writer because, as some purists say, "writers write." Let's hope that they don't find out from personal experience that sometimes? Writers can't.
See, that's what I mean. There are times we can't, and there are times that we might leave the writing thing idle for a while...it's good that your story still stays in your mind, though. I know all about the depression sucking any and all creativity out of you. The reason that I decided not to continue BCD was depression - and the pesky little fact that I was in the process of losing my home and everything I'd tried so hard to achieve. It didn't seem right to me at the time to even think of writing. There were more important things at hand, and instead of retreating into my writing, as I often did, I ran from it. It seemed silly and meaningless in light of the bigger picture, and I wallowed in my depressive mire for a good long time.
ReplyDeleteLast year, I got choked out by depression too...I'm staving it off right now, to be honest. That's why I'm on such a quest to do anything I can to keep the story in my mind. I understand what you're saying. You reread stuff, you make promos, you do all this stuff...and sometimes, it doesn't work, so you just wait. I totally get that.
I just view creativity as something that's inborn. It's just there. I mean, I can and will make a rock opera out of anything. On the spot. It's a gift (and an embarrassment to those that know me), and it's something I never really...worked on. It's just there. Some people can write, some can act, some can sing - some can do all of those things (lucky ducks). I guess the point I was going for here is, it's not one of those "use it or lose it" things. It'll always be there, whether or not you use it.
That's why I get sad when people turn away from it intentionally, and that's why I hope that eventually, they will return, because talent and heart isn't bottled. It's just...there.