You don't necessarily plan on it...it's just there. Tonight, I spent almost an hour lying in bed and waiting for sleep (obviously, it has not come yet). The whole time, I was reminded of various points in my life, good and bad...and consequently, what I've tried to learn from all of them.
This much I can glean from that trip down memory lane: nothing is forever. It was around this time three years ago that I faced something I believed to be far too insurmountable to ever begin to overcome...and now, look at where I'm at. I guess it's all about perspective and looking at the bigger picture, though I'm having quite a bit of trouble doing that.
There's such a dark cloud over me these days. Everyone's noticed it - even my husband, whom I've tried to put on a happy face around. I have been stressed out to the point of feeling physically ill. I have headaches a lot, like every day. I feel a deep depression trying to come in, but I'm doing my best to stave it off for now. I guess I should remember that this too shall pass, and that no matter what happens, it could never be as horrendous as things I've already endured. Still...that's a lot easier said than done when every single day that passes seems worse than the one before it.
Keep me in your thoughts. This is a time of my life that should be joyous, and truly it is...I'm just not feeling all that joyous right now. Maybe I need to lie in the dark some more and ponder the road that led me here. Then again, that might only depress me even more.
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